A Definitive Guide to the John Lewis Christmas Adverts

The new John Lewis advert dropped today, and since you don’t live in a cave, you know what that means — it’s nearly Christmas, kind of! Mid-November is basically the start of the festive season at this point, except this year because we’re all stir-crazy and bored and in desperate need of some cheer made on far less precarious grounds than the results of a democratic election, people starting sticking Elf on and heading to the attic to get the decs out straight after Halloween. If my Instagram feed is anything to go by, some people were even doing this before Halloween, which truly shows how nuts this year has sent us.

So with charming regularity, the John Lewis advert is here to save us all from what I’m predicting will be a very long onslaught of SAD. Except they don’t seem to be as good these days, do they? The John Lewis adverts of old (their first viral campaign was in 2007) weren’t trying to flog you monster or dragon toys, or a new Elton John book/album/film. They’re trying harder and harder to tug at your heartstrings, with, I think, less and less success.

Here is an official, undisputed list of the John Lewis Christmas adverts, from worst to best. Things I’ve taken into consideration are: how good the song is, how emotional it makes you/me/us, and how memorable it was.

Without further ado:

13. ‘Excitable Edgar’ (2019)

This one was bad. Just so bad. Bastille’s cover of Can’t Fight This Feeling was truly terrible — and played all over Radio 1 at the time. Dan Smith’s voice was not made to hold long, 1980s power-ballad notes, and it’s not exactly the most Christmassy of song choices.

I also didn’t remember a single thing that happened in the ad until I just re-watched it, except ‘Excitable Edgar’ (catchy name!) was an unappreciated dragon who somehow earned the respect of all of his peers by cooking the Christmas pudding with his flame breath or something. The marketing guys at JL definitely thought they were doing something big by setting the ad in medieval times, thereby hoping to cash in on that sweet sweet Game of Thrones final season hype, but unfortunately this advert, much like that season, was awful.

12. ‘Moz the Monster’ (2017)

Here’s the thing about Moz: he’s not even cute. I don’t know why that little boy was protecting him from the adults instead of just straight grassing him up, but it wasn’t worth it. The story feels lazy, and on Christmas Day the mum looks like she’s not arsed at all about the proceedings, leading me to wonder if that kid’s even very well behaved the rest of the year round. In which case, he deserves to be haunted by a massive Gooby-type thing with a nose like a space hopper.

The single saving grace of this one is Elbow’s cover of Golden Slumbers, since Guy Garvey could sing the ingredients to cottage pie and make it sound beautiful.

(I’ve just read that the director of this advert was Michel Gondry, director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. What????)

11. ‘The Boy & The Piano’ (2018)

Love Elton John, but why was he everywhere in a couple of years ago? And why did this advert basically outline what would become the plot to Rocketman (2019)? Though this was kind of a smart pre-emptive move to the release of that film, and his autobiography, it still felt a little bit sickly. Still, Your Song is much nicer and more Christmassy than Bastille’s, and the visual effects — a CGI Elton John performing in a bygone era — were extremely impressive. Not especially memorable, though.

10. ‘The Feeling’ (2009)

Lot of emotional blackmail going on in this one. ‘Remember how Christmas used to feel when you were a kid? When you believed in Father Christmas and left out milk and a mince pie on the mantel piece? And thought the world was good? And nice? And you’d have butterflies all of Christmas Eve daytime and at night this would manifest into such fizzing excitement you wouldn’t be able to sleep till like two in the morning? But you’d still be up at half six with loads of energy because you were eight and didn’t even know what a “caffeine” was? Remember how that felt? Well, if you buy a Canon DSLR from us here at John Lewis, you’ll feel exactly the same as an adult!’ Admittedly I miss The Feeling so much that this eleven-year-old advert is almost working on me right now. Must…resist…marketing ploy…

Good concept (kids pretending to be adults), but boring song, and over all, not that memorable.

9. ‘Shadows’ (2007)

The store’s first ever official Christmas ad from way back in 2007. I don’t remember this at all, but upon a re-watch found it disarmingly sweet and simplistic — and that tinkly Grand Budapest Hotel-type music was really cute. Not a big showstopper but a worthy beginning.

8. ‘Clues’ (2008)

Again, we’ve gone for the ‘cute and simplistic’ vibe (shots of people with their accompanying ‘perfect gift’) and this is the first one I remember seeing. The Beatles cover is nice but not something you’d ever listen to again, unlike later years, when the (very hit-and-miss) covers actually started entering the charts. After all the whirring about in the Elton John advert I’m almost nostalgic for these low-concept ads, but they obviously couldn’t keep trotting out same old stuff: they had to adapt, diversify, break the mould, with —

7. ‘A Tribute to Givers’ (2010)

Another safe and similar concept! (Different people hiding gifts from their loved ones). This one is joined by an Ellie Goulding cover of Your Song that I loved so much back the day that I actually bought, but now kind of makes me shiver, and not in a good way. Very Chrismassy, but not overly memorable.

6. ‘The Bear and the Hare’ (2013)

Controversially I think this is a solid mid-tier JL advert. Everyone seemed to love it at the time, and the traditional animation is beautiful, so props to John Lewis for branching out, but Lily Allen’s cover of Somewhere Only We Know is kind of grating (some of those high notes aren’t what you’d call…hit), which ruins it slightly.

5. The Long Wait (2011)

This one features a little boy who sighs and slumps all the year along — we see the flowers, the autumn leaves dropping, wind and rain etc — constantly looking at the clock. We think it’s because he’s excited to get his Christmas presents, but no! He’s actually been counting down the moment until he gets to give his parents their Christmas present.

This one is just lovely — very cinematically shot and featuring one of the better covers, Slow Moving Millie’s version of Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths. The little boy should know that his parents would probably like a gift on regular days, too, or even on their birthdays, which don’t seem occur in this parallel world, but nevertheless, a solid effort.

4. Buster the Boxer (2016)

Lots to appreciate with this one:

1. A trampoline is an absolute top-tier present and that Christmas will definitely be the best of those kids’ entire lives;

2. The family look really wholesome and fun and don’t seem like they hate each other in the slightest, which is no mean feat in the JLCU (John Lewis Cinematic Universe);

3. Foxes, badgers and hedgehogs bouncing about on the trampoline is a genius idea in of itself;

4. The song and overall tone is uplifting and fun rather than twee and sincere — a refreshing change of pace.

I remember not caring about this one too much at the time, but on a re-watch, it’s definitely upper-tier.

3. Man on the Moon (2015)

I love this just because it’s a bit nuts for old John Lewis. A little girl can somehow see an old man on the moon, through a telescope, who just happens to be the grouchiest-looking git you’ve ever seen in your life. Like, it’s interesting and everything, but why did she even want to get in contact with him? Was it her grandad? If not, maybe just best just to go back to your play-dough or whatever, kid. He’s probably an outcast for a reason. Also now we know this geezer has an adequate water supply, I don’t feel so sorry for him.

Aurora’s Half the World Away cover is nice (I remember it causing a storm online at the time, though. How dare anyone commercialise an Oasis song!), but it’s memorability alone that pushes this one up the ranking.

2. The Journey (2012)

Features the best song of all of them: a gorgeous cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s The Power of Love, launching the career of Gabrielle Aplin, a song that still makes me feel festive to hear to this day. ‘The Journey’ follows a snowman who wants to buy some gloves for his snow wife, a sweet and inventive concept with the snowman stopping and starting in various positions in a forest before finally reaching his Mecca (a John Lewis store). It’s funny, it’s got heart, and the song was so good it was added to various Now That’s What I Call Christmas compilation CDs.

1. Monty the Penguin (2014)

The best John Lewis Christmas advert by miles. Top marks for cuteness (Monty and his…owner? Master? Boss?), top marks for the song (Tom Odell’s stunning cover of Real Love by John Lennon), top marks for the emotional pull at the end. Oh my god, what a twist! We think the penguin is real all this time, existing quite happily in John Lewis’s perfect middle-class magical-realist world, until the boy worries Monty’s getting lonely and buys him a friend and we find out they’re both just toys! It’s about the power of a kid’s imagination, see? This is some Velveteen Rabbit shit!

This is the only John Lewis ad that actually made me shed a tear when I saw it for the first time, and on my re-watch it made me well up again! Damn you, Mr. Lewis! Fine, I’ll buy a Canon DSLR, just make it stop hurting, please.